Why
by ShenYue
Summary: He lays dying...his confession stills his lips...or is it the pain of losing her...?


Disclaimer: I don't own anyone from Inuyasha...

The lines in between his thoughts are an original poem of mine that I wrote a while back. Thank you for giving this work a chance and please don't forget to review! ^^

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Why?

"... my fault..." I whisper brokenly as the darkness threatens to take hold...I never tried to show you my affections...

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I call for you...

I made it difficult for myself...The edge of a black void begins to cloud my vision and I can no longer see in a matter of seconds...I am left to my dark world of despair and agony...I am left alone...to die...

But you do not hear...

I hate being alone...in all truth it frightens me...but it is my fault...you will never care for me in the way I care for you but you can not be blamed...I have not made any attempt to love you...none at all...

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I love you...

My hearing goes next...bled away with the sounds of the coming nightfall...the whispering of the wind is the last thing I hear...and that in itself is painful...all I have left is feeling and what I feel isn't the warm embrace of you, the woman I love, but the chilling touch of death's cold hands on my shoulders...the touch I have felt my entire life...

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But you do not care...

Pain is obsolete...it was the one constant in my life...no reason I should lose it now...when death creeps so near like a cat waiting to pounce...soon my soul will fly, screaming, into the night to wander the earth forever...un-saved...like my shattered body...

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I miss you...

I cough and I feel a surprisingly distant shooting pain and the moist, unexpectedly cool, blood on my lips...I feel it trickle down my neck...and there the feeling stops...and the pain is bled away with my life...

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But you are not here to comfort me...

And strangely I can't let go...my mind will not release my spirit...for some reason I am not allowed to slip away...I feel my heart bleed...and I ask myself why...

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I cry for you...

Is it because I will miss you...? ...I can feel the cold tears that threaten to spill from my blind eyes...the wide, staring eyes that will never see anything again...I feel sorry that I didn't close them...for now I am too weak...too tired to close them...even though they are useless...I will never see you...my love...again...

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But my sorrow ripples beyond...

And still you are held in my memory...my mind's eye will not let that perfect picture of you leave me...I feel only regret and sorrow that I could not have told you before I died...told you my true feelings...

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I strive for an answer...

...I am lost...I can feel it...and even though you could have found me...it can never be so...the pain...the pain I thought was gone is back...but this time it is different...is it sorrow...? ...irrationally I am angry with you for not being here to comfort me...

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But I am lost and alone...

...even though it is a useless thought...you could not know this was happening...that I am dying...because I know...deep inside my failing heart...that you would be here if you did...the pain is so great now...and I am alone...I am scared...of dying alone...

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I am trapped...

...my body shakes now...and trembles...and now the physical pain is back...too horrible to endure...the tears come...my image of you shatters...and I watch as the shards begin to fall...

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But cannot break the glass the glass that holds me...

...desperately I try to keep them together...and the pain of losing even your image...cuts me deeper then any wound I am dying from...

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I am losing myself...

...I know now that I am finally dying on the inside too...but I wanted to hold onto you forever...I thought it could take the place of so many lonely nights...but it hasn't...and now it never will...and I am frightened...

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But cannot stop it from happening...

...the last light from my life is gone...I can find no other logical reason...nothing more I can think of that keeps me from dying...from letting go...from escaping from this nightmarish hell of pain and agony...

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I am a spectator...

...I scream inside...I am tired...I want to let go...I want to be free...I don't want to suffer anymore...the pain intensifies...it congeals around my heart as a writhing mass of living torture...now my only fear is that I will never die...that I will have to live in this moment for all eternity... 

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But cannot interfere...

...I will never be given peace...I know my screams are silent...my begging is useless...the pain will never stop...and still I think of you...under it all...you still lurk and haunt me...I loved you...and I still do...

I have lost myself...

...I feel my lips move...I try desperately to weep uncontrollably...but the tears only fall...slowly...I am mute...deaf...blind...I am truly dead...inside...

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But you do not notice...

...and yet my body seems not to understand...

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I ache for you...

...the pain of losing you still echoes in my heart...

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But you seem not to see...

...It wounds me again and again...and again...

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I bleed inside...

...my lips move...and finally I am able to say your name...I can confess my love for you to the cold, unforgiving forest...I can say what I was too afraid to say in life...I can say it in death...

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But you are blind to it...

"..Sango...

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I call for you...

...I loved you...

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But you ignore...

...I love you...

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Why?

...and I always will..."

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Why?

Uh...that's the end! I'm not exactly sure what Miroku died from...I just wrote what he thought as he died...thanks for reading!


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